What's Left Of Us
by MadameCissy
Summary: Sharon is faced with the return of an unexpected visitor from her past [Sharon/Brenda]


**Kait,  
Happy Birthday, my lovely!  
Enjoy your little present!**

 **XXX**

When it rained in Los Angeles, it poured. The heavens had opened hours earlier and it showed no signs of stopping. The sun had set and darkness now shrouded the city and millions of lights lit up the soaking wet streets.

The rain drummed in a monotone rhythm against the large windows of the condo's living room. Sharon had drawn the curtains but they could not drown out the sound. She didn't want to; the sound of rain was soothing somehow and it had lulled her into a comfortable state of relaxation as she sat on the couch, legs curled up underneath herself and her favourite cup balancing on the armrest. The faint smell of chamomile rose up from the cup as she turned another page of the book she was reading.

She didn't get a lot of time to read these days. At least not something that wasn't work related. The fact that the words in front of her were telling a story that didn't involve death made a change from her usual reading material. The book had been lying on the nightstand in her bedroom ever since Rusty had bought it for her for her birthday three months ago and tonight she had finally found time to get past the first page.

The soft knocking sound roused Sharon from her reading and she listened, thinking for a moment that she had imagined and it was just the rain rattling against the glass. But then she heard it again and she stood up. When she reached the front door she rose to the tips of her toes to look through the spy hole, her hand hovering over the little side table where she kept her gun. Her fingers danced over the cold metal but her hand fell down by her side when she recognised the person standing outside.

Sharon opened the door, revealing the woman on the other side. Blonde curls were plastered across Brenda Leigh Johnson's forehead and raindrops glistened on her face.

"Brenda? What on Earth are you doing here?!" Sharon stared at the other woman in shock. "And why are you wet?"

"In case you haven't noticed, it's rainin'," Brenda pointed out and wiped the wet hair out of her face. Big brown eyes looked up, searching Sharon's face and then she smiled. Even now Sharon found that smile incredibly disarming. "Hi."

Sharon's grip on the door handle subconsciously tightened. She hadn't seen Brenda for over six months and now here she was, standing on her doorstep like a drowned rat and she managed to get right through to her, to a place Sharon had tried to close off. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you in Washington?"

"Can I come in?" Brenda asked, ignoring Sharon's questions. The hint of cheer that had echoed in her voice when she first spoke was now gone and she swallowed. Suddenly she looked a little lost, like she had suddenly realised what coming here really meant.

Sharon stepped aside to allow Brenda into the condo and closed the door behind her. Brenda turned around before they'd even left the hallway and Sharon got to see her in the light of the living room now. Brenda's wet curls cascaded down her shoulders and her back and she fumbled nervously with her hands, kept fiddling with the pocket of her coat.

Sharon was instantly reminded of the last time Brenda had stood in her living room like this. It had been a couple of weeks before Brenda had moved to Washington. It had been the day she first told Sharon about the job offer. Brenda had been by the window, half empty wineglass in hand, and Sharon had asked if she'd wanted another drink. Instead, Brenda had turned around and just blurted it out.

"I've been offered a job back in DC. I think I'm goin' to take it."

And that had been it.

"Why are you here?" Sharon asked again.

She crossed her arms in front of her chest, wrapped her cardigan a little tighter around herself.

Brenda hesitantly looked up. "Can we talk?"

Sharon nodded and walked over to the couch. She sat down and crossed her legs, didn't look up to see if Brenda was following her. Brenda stood behind the couch and seemed momentarily torn between sitting down next to Sharon and choosing the arm chair. She eyed up the book and the abandoned cup of tea, quickly putting together that she had interrupted one of the few quiet moments Sharon had and her cheeks flushed light pink.

"I'm sorry I interrupted your evenin'," she said as she sat down. She'd chosen the couch and crossed her legs the same way Sharon had. They instinctively leaned away from each other.

"It's okay," Sharon answered.

It wasn't okay but she didn't want Brenda to feel bad.

Sharon couldn't tear her eyes away from Brenda. She hadn't changed much. Her hair was a little longer and her roots needed touching up. Her skin was a little lighter too; DC didn't get the same sunshine Los Angeles did and the sun kissed glow that had covered Brenda's skin had faded. But other than that it was as if Brenda had only walked out yesterday.

Sharon hadn't expected to see her here again, not after having said goodbye. The blonde looked different somehow and it wasn't because her hair was wet and had been brushed out of her face or the fact that Brenda wore jeans, which was something Sharon had rarely seen her do. There was something else but Sharon couldn't put her finger on what it was.

"Is Rusty home?" Brenda asked but Sharon shook her head.

"How long have you been back?" She fired a question in return.

Brenda grinned a little. "About two hours."

"You flew in tonight?" Sharon looked at the younger woman, stunned. She shifted in her seat, sat up straighter. Her foot touched Brenda's shin. It startled both of them. "Brenda, what on Earth is going on?"

"I tried, Sharon," Brenda answered and stared down at her hands, twisted the wedding band around her finger. It felt like a ball and chain these days. "My God, I tried."

Sharon heaved a sigh. She should've seen this coming.

At first she hadn't noticed something was happening. It wasn't until Brenda asked her one night wat she thought they were doing that she finally allowed herself to think about it, had finally admitted to herself that she had been trying to fight something she couldn't fight much longer. They'd stood across from each other in Sharon's kitchen and Brenda's hands had rested on the counter, her brown eyes fixed on Sharon.

"What are we doin'?" Brenda had asked, causing Sharon to look up in surprise. Something in Brenda's voice, the way she asked the question, had alarmed her.

"What do you mean?"

"This…" Brenda had gestured between them. The look in her eyes had changed from bright to sad, as if she was letting something slip out of her fingers that she desperately wanted to hold on to. "This thing between us… It's there, isn't it?"

Sharon had just turned away and closed her eyes. She'd asked herself that same question several times before, had even wondered about trying to talk to Brenda about it. Somehow they had found themselves in this position without really knowing how they had ended up here or how to handle it. They had turned to each other, had relied on each other and Sharon had felt herself longing for something she knew she couldn't reasonably have.

"I don't know," was what she said when she finally managed to look at Brenda. She did know. Brenda was right. "I…. I don't think I want to know."

Brenda had just swallowed when Sharon didn't correct her and Sharon realised there and then that everything she'd felt in recent days, Brenda felt too and they were both too scared to think about what it could mean, where it could lead. They had somehow crossed a line they were never supposed to cross and there was only one way to undo what had been done.

"We're not doin' anythin' wrong," Brenda had said and Sharon knew she was just trying to convince herself because they _were_ doing something wrong. They were sharing something they shouldn't be sharing. Brenda herself knew that better than anyone. They were more than friends now, even if they had not crossed the line in the sand, and that meant that they were doing something wrong.

Sharon had looked away, incapable of responding. Brenda had let out a sigh and they had both felt it. Something had changed.

Three days later Brenda told Sharon she was accepting the job in Washington.

"I can't lie anymore," Brenda whispered softly, bringing Sharon back into the current moment. Brenda looked at the brunette sitting next to her on the couch. Sharon could see the anguish in Brenda's eyes and felt guilt well up in her chest.

"Brenda…." The blonde's name rolled off Sharon's lips like a whisper.

She wanted to say more but words failed when Brenda quietly asked, "What happened between us?"

Sharon's green eyes glistened as a storm of emotions raged inside her and eventually she tore her gaze away and let out a sigh. "You came too close, Brenda Leigh." There was a pause the length of a single heartbeat. " _We_ came too close."

Brenda just nodded. She ached inside, as if someone had poured acid into her chest and it was slowly eating away at her heart. She was hurting but she didn't understand how or why. She felt desperately lonely and had only been able to think of one place where she wanted to be tonight. She'd booked the ticket earlier that morning and had turned up at the airport carrying only a small bag of clothes and nothing else. Even as she boarded the plane she didn't know what she was doing.

She still didn't know.

"You can't do this," Sharon said. There was a tremor in her voice that betrayed she struggled to contain her tears. Something held her back, stopped her from touching Brenda. "When you left…"

"I was prepared to walk away because I didn't want to break something that meant so much to me," Brenda interjected. "But I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending that it isn't happening because it is and I…" She turned to look at Sharon and brown eyes connected with green.

"You're beautiful and smart. You're funny, when you want to be, and you make me smile. It's been a long time since I felt like that. I don't even know if I ever really have and I don't know what it means but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm willing to find out."

Sharon felt the tears sting behind her eyes. "Brenda…"

"I filed for divorce yesterday morning. The papers should be arriving tomorrow." Brenda took a deep breath and reached out until her fingers grazed over the back of Sharon's hand. She felt the older woman twitch under her touch but then Sharon relaxed and willingly let Brenda take her hand. Their fingers laced effortlessly together. It was a perfect fit.

"Sharon, I don't want to lie anymore. And I don't want to run anymore either. I'm done runnin'."

"Maybe we can figure this out together, step by step," Sharon softly said as she looked down at Brenda's hand in hers. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest and her mind was spinning.

They sat in silence for a little while, their hands still linked, as the rain continued to pour. It was washing away the dust and dirt that had gathered in the streets outside but it was also washing away the masks they had chosen to wear until this moment. They finally allowed themselves to see what they'd been trying to hide.

Brenda eventually let her hand slide out of Sharon's and she went to stand up but Sharon reached for her wrist and stopped her.

"Don't," she whispered. "Don't leave." Green eyes held brown. "Not again."

Sharon knew she would have to overcome her own fear and her own concern. She would have to be admit to herself that she too no longer wanted to run and that she was prepared to face what was coming. But if Brenda was ready then maybe she could be ready too.

"I want to know what this is," Sharon said as she reached for Brenda's hand and took it again. "I don't know what any of this means or where it'll lead but I want to know. I want to find out." She moved closer until her knees touched Brenda's. She leaned in and her eyes briefly dropped down to Brenda's lips before looking back up and letting the fingers of her other hand ghost over Brenda's cheek.

"I want to find out with you."


End file.
